Good Halloween Treats

Now that Halloween is coming up, heathens everywhere are preparing to deploy sugary treats to suspecting children. Well, not all heathens. As we know, child molesters will be spared an extra trip to the store for those nifty little bags of mixed, individually wrapped candy.

ANNAPOLIS — Sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving paper signs in the mail that read “No candy at this residence,” which they must post on their front doors or possibly face a parole violation.

The signs began arriving last week in the mailboxes of the about 1,200 violent and child-sex offenders across Maryland. The signs were accompanied by a letter explaining they must stay at home, turn off outside lights and not answer the door on Halloween.

Maryland is also distributing pamphlets statewide to warn families to stay away from homes with the pumpkin signs.

“Halloween provides a rare opportunity for you to demonstrate to your neighbors that you are making a sincere effort to change the direction of your life,” the letter to sex offenders reads.

“Because Halloween is a holiday in which large numbers of children interact with strangers, the concern among parents and other community members about sexual offenders in their neighborhoods is naturally intensified during this time of year,” Patrick McGee, interim director of the state’s Division of Parole and Probation, wrote in the Oct. 1 letter.

Maryland, which began the program in 2005, is among a number of states placing Halloween restrictions on sex offenders. Maryland’s regulations are almost identical to those adopted in Missouri, where four convicted sex offenders and the American Civil Liberties Union are challenging the state law in federal court.

I think the sign is absolutely ridiculous, because it’s cute. The “no” is not prominent, or at least not as it should be. A truly scary sign would be… here’s one I can imagine:

What I really wanted to bring up is the sort of candy that might be nice to hand out this year:

I got some Yummy Earth Lollipops a few months ago, and they are free from artificial coloring, flavoring, and sweeteners. I prefer to give these to kids, and not the sort that has a million ingredients that studies and common sense show are not good for the growing bodies of children. They come in different flavors, and are quite tasty!

Good night.