Bones – The Crank in the Shaft

Gunky hoistways are not good for the digestion.
Gunky hoistways are not good for the digestion.

I’ve been watching Bones for years now, and this is the first episode I actually felt something close to repugnance, which surprised me. I’ve seen fake corpses covered with maggots of different sizes, I’ve watched fake melted bodies in a tub of goo, I’ve clapped at a truckful of garbage Hodgins had to sift through as he identified different putrefied matter by smell, and I’ve generally been a Mary Poppins—with the cheerful disposition, and a couple of rosy cheeks—each 45 minutes; from slimy, smelly beginning, through scientifically sensible middle, until funny end.

Still, I was eating while I watched the beginning of this episode, and the whole shaft mess didn’t interrupt my meal. We can’t know what our true responses to extreme situations would be when compared to what we imagine they should be, but I have thought that if I’d ever followed a career in forensic medicine, I’d be the kind of person that can eat a quick meal while weighing a human brain.

Fun brain facts: It weighs about 3 pounds, and its constitution includes a large amount of water. If exposed to fire, it boils, creating intracranial pressure as it expands. If the heat is intense enough, the cranial vault can crack, or explode. Much different from the brain boiling that occurs while staring at a collage or reading a giantess story.

The whole office chair deal was slightly annoying, all the way until the end of the episode. Then it was hilarious.

New words learned: Hoistway! Lateral Epicondyle!

Details to tattoo on one’s forehead:

Special Agent Graham Kelton is dead.

Marihuana makes you stupid if you play a character on TV.

The part of Zach was played by Mr. Fisher, whose character was a caricature. I suppose that was intentional since he’s to fleet by like so many other assistants. What he said nine minutes into the show made listening to him at any other time supportable. He spoke of the Lateral Epicondyle, and of a grad thesis he had written about the effects of falls in human bones.

That, of course, made me think of giantesses. See, this not only pops into my mind for one purpose alone. Thoughts on size differences come as stories from many perspectives, including scientific ones, the very ones I was making fun of a couple of days ago.

Say an evil giantess grabs you, and I hope that never happens to you, but say she does. After she toys with you for the prescribed amount of time, she flings you off her fingers like a dirty tissue. Three days later your splattered remains are found, and by examining the hairline fractures in parts of your bones, the height of your fall can be determined, and a warrant can be issued for the giantess’ arrest, as the estimated height of her flinging range matches the one evidenced by your poor broken bones.

The height of buildings around the area is not taken into account, as it would interfere with my scenario, and I’m sorry to say your murder will go unpunished because who in their right mind wants to tell a giantess she’s under arrest? Probably the guy smoking pot, since it makes him stupid.

Another fun forensic fact: When your remains are found smeared all over a street or whatever, their dispersal can make it difficult to collect fluids for analyses, especially if no one finds you for days… but here it reads that vitreous humor can be used to determine time of death* for up to 72 hours. The cool detail for me was that the body in the shaft was last seen on Friday evening, and it is presumable that the first scene of the episode took place on Monday morning, so… less than 72 hours. I like!

That’s all she wrote.

*Assuming the giantess didn’t squish them as she crushed your body with the ball of her foot after it hit the ground, that is. :)

“g2911” by burni

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