Despicable Me

A few days ago I watched Despicable Me. I thought it was adorable and fun, yet I couldn’t help but think of all the fun uses that shrink ray could have had in a different kind of movie. It wasn’t the entitled, dissatisfied sort of feeling one usually gets when media doesn’t instantly cater to our every sexual whim, but a different screen projecting in my mind of what might have happened in the film had the evil mastermind been a woman who, once in possession of a shrink ray, finds a fetching man to shrink, kidnap, and energetically seduce.

The sequence of those events may vary from moment to moment, but I would watch that movie. I would watch it so often it would wear out. I would watch it and I wouldn’t care if the CGI characters are goofy and cartoonish (as long as the male character remains hot on some level). It’s taken me several minutes to type this entire paragraph because I stopped to think about what it would be like to watch such a movie.

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2 thoughts on “Despicable Me

  1. It’s so FLUFFY! (love the way she says it)
    And what was the deal with all the Twinkies?

    Thing is, wouldn’t a shrink ray be a wicked temptation? You shrink the guy, and that’s nice, but he needs some clothing (dress-up is fun). A trip to the store results in attire that doesn’t fit quite right. A second trip yields a better fit, but it just doesn’t look right on him. One exasperated, ‘humph’ later, and the news crews are filming a hole in the ground where an upscale clothing store used to reside.

    Then there’s “mode of transport!”, for the little guy. This time it should be easy. How hard can a car be? Apparently, not very, as a parking violation leads to a midnight footprint across the chassis. Next thing he knows, there’s a complete strip of car dealerships in the far corner of the massive basement (massive in every sense of the word, since super villains need their space).

    What’s the point of having a car if there’s no place to drive it? Soon bits of the Autobahn and various world monuments go missing.

    This is beginning to get complex, the basement corner is shaping up into a Rick Steve’s travelogue. Cars need gas, so some stations and tanker trucks go missing. Then one of them breaks down, and you really really like that one, so instead of tossing it into the trash a station with tiny mechanics joins the tiny world. They need food, so zap zap zap a mall with food courts is added to the ensemble. All leading to the day that you find yourself on the ridge of a tall hill, aiming the device at the city, and hooking up extra fusion batteries in preperation for the pink flash that’s going to end all this insanity.

    Only having a tiny city in the basement turns out to be kinda neat…

    zap zap zap…

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    • Her cute voice was enchanting!

      While I’d prefer my minions to be tiny humans, the Twinkie minions were adorable (and I detest Twinkies with a passion — took a bite once and never again).

      Yes, the thing is a shrink ray would be a wicked temptation; that is definitely the thing. And don’t imagine that if ever by chance I happen to shrink a set of clothes that actualy fits my little man, I’ll stop my “search”. I’ll watch him stand in front of my compact mirror, parade around, look at his front and back and then I’ll clear my throat so he spins in place and looks up at me:

      “Thank you for finally finding a nice suit for me!”

      “Hmm.”

      “What?”

      “Nah, it doesn’t fit you right.”

      “What? no, it’s perfect! Oh no please what are you doiiing…!”

      And off it would come. *pull* *rip* *snap* *rip*

      (The clothes, not him.)

      A city in my basement would be lovely indeed!

      And the flash is violet. 🙂

      Like

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