…And I spotted a box of 20 wooden clothespins. Perfect for a two-foot-tall little guy during laundry day, no? Their true function is that of paper clips. I think I used one once, and added the rest to the pile of Walmart things I never use. That’s not true: I don’t have a pile of Walmart things I never use, and the clothespins are in a wooden box I use to store pens and staples and paper clips. The contents of said box have changed very little in the last twenty years, given that “pens” and “staplers” and “paper” are objects I seldom use nowadays.
That’s not true: I used a pen this morning. I used it to write on a return form enclosed in a box that also contained shoes too uncomfortable to keep. I didn’t staple the box shut, or closed its cardboard flaps shut with mini clothespins. I used mailing tape. I’m not crazy.
That’s not true: I am crazy. I do have a pile of things I never use. It includes VHS tapes, Christmas decorations, fabric notions, a Jar Jar Binks blanket, and other things I will soon “purge”. I can’t be classified as a hoarder yet, but the pile will try to convince you otherwise. And I’m never getting rid of that Jar Jar Binks blanket.
Hug the Undersquid 
It trips me out, when once in a while, always when minding my own business, I stumble upon some twee little accouterments or someone’s whimsical artistic expression that directly keys into Tinies/GTS. An oversized flipflop in Bali. The wild trend for fairy gardens, three years ago. Once, a friend of mine picked up some prop in miniature, announced how cute it was, and reflexively popped it into her mouth. I nearly made a mess of myself.
But yes. The junk drawer. I’m trying to limit myself to one small, antique Chinese shipping crate. Everything I want to collect and hold onto, stuff that has no function other than a battery for nostalgia, goes into that box and anything that can’t fit is purged. One of these days I’ll really take this project seriously.
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My only hope for you is that the antique Chinese shipping crate had a shrinking curse cast upon it. It doesn’t work on things, of course; so you are going to have to empty it, and try to fit into it. When you can climb onto your cell, let me know how it works out.
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*eyes go wide* Why do I never think of these things… If I don’t follow up, I’m either dead or wildly successful.
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