“Can I get a ride?”

A_ride.jpg

“Chocolate. I have loads of chocolate my giantess buys for me. She knows I don’t like it very much, so she allows me to eat as much of it as I want. I’ll give you every bar, every chip.”

“Tweet.”

“Oh, I know you don’t eat chocolate! That’s why we’re friends! But you can use it to trade for stuff you want.”

“Tweet.”

“I don’t know. Stuff like… newer poker cards, or… better liquor.”

“Tweet.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak ill of your delicious libations. It’s just that… nectar fermented in bark doesn’t really have… see, my giantess buys this great wine, and- never mind. Your shit is tasty. Now, can I please get a ride home?”

“Tweet.”

“You’re not too drunk to fly. We just flew to this branch. Now I need to get home before I get into trouble. No, I’m already in big trouble with her. She’s going to kill me. Kill me dead. I’m not supposed to be out this late. Do you have any idea what she’ll do to me?”

“Tweet.”

“Exactly! Take me home, man. Bird. Take me home, or you’ll have to find a new player for game night.”

“Tweet.”

“Fat chance! I’m the best player you’ve got! I have the best poker face around these parts. The best one. Just fly me home. She’s going to be so angry.”

“Tweet.”

“You want wine? You want a whole bottle of wine for a measly little ride? It’s not even a block away!”

“Tweet.”

“Because I’d have to climb down this tree, then negotiate terrain, and there’s Mr. Trundle’s dog, and his daughter, who’s had her eye on me since the webcam episode… and there’s that yellowjacket nest, and it’s still daylight, and they are about. And also, she’s going to kill me. Crush me flat. So much trouble. I’m in so much trouble. Help me out, man. Bird.”

“Tweet.”

“Shit. You’re a shitty friend, you know that? OK. A bottle of wine.”

“Tweet.”

“Yes, motherfucker, an entire bottle.”

“Tweet.”

“What do you mean, not just ‘any bottle’? Which bottle- what difference does it make?”

“Tweet.”

“Yes, I’m sure she has some Zinfandel. Why so specific?”

“Tweet.”

“Ah. Don’t tell me. I don’t need to know what you’re getting to with Mrs. Bluejay. She’s going to tear you apart.”

“Tweet.”

“You like them ‘big’. Har-dee-freaking-har. You’re a funny one.”

“Tweet.”

“Fine. Just hold still, so I can get back on you. You know, I think she’s right about you. She was right about you all along. You are a perverse little bird, out for what you can get.”

“Tweet.”

“Yeah, yeah, I still like you. Stop twitching, asshole. ‘Bottle of wine’. Great. Just how in the world I’ll smuggle a bottle of wine out of the house, is beyond me.”

“Tweet.”

“This is all your fault. ‘One more game,’ you said. One more game, one more drink, one more snack, then another, and another one, and here I am now, about to pay with my life- argh! Don’t go so faast!”

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14 thoughts on ““Can I get a ride?”

  1. Sometimes things are said in the tweet of the moment. Seems right though, that being tiny the guy can hold casual converse with critters of a similar size: bantering with a bird, musing with a mouse, grousing with a goldfish. It’s Disney-like in its implications. One imagines her coming to a home festooned with tiny animals, and her tiny guy leading an impromptu song and dance number about the joys of getting one of the huge cans of beer out of the fridge…

    Liked by 3 people

    • That’s such a fun mental image. I can just see that little guy singing (as animals and even furniture join in), to the tune of “Be Our Guest”:

      “Beer’s the best
      Beer’s the best
      Have a taste and chug the rest
      Bring that mug, my friends; drag it right here
      And I’ll fill it without rest

      Suds du jour, build your nerve
      And I only live to serve
      Try the foam stuff, it’s delicious
      Don’t believe me? Ask the fishes”

      I’d watch that movie so many times…

      Like

  2. This is fantastic! This is delirious in everything it’s doing, both establishing the characters and world-building. That’s a wonderful Bob Newhart-esque effect in developing the personality of a bird with so little to say. We learn about both of them very deeply in this exchange.

    And all the references and subplots! If you headed a writer’s group, you could issue this story to everyone and then task them with writing the related tales, like what happened with the webcam and who else shows up for poker night, the last time our spunky hero tangled with the dog and the yellowjackets. Oh my gosh, this is delirious, there’s so much going on here, so many places this could go. This is very much in media res, a juicy slice from the middle of the sausage. So much fun to reread!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. I’m happy you enjoyed it! It kinda came out of nowhere. I found the image of that little bird while looking for unrelated stuff, and the idea flooded my mind immediately. I’d thought of a friendship between a little guy and different critters many times, but I think this might be the first time I actually write something about it. Oh, wait. There’s that post about that conversation with a cat.

      Then I found a little guy to place on that branch next to the bird, and the rest came to life as though I was only listening in on a conversation that wasn’t mine. It even created a delta of ideas, with related events. I’m always doing that. Maybe one day I’ll actually write down all the accompanying stories that come to life when I see this sort of scene.

      I want a writer’s group.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love it. Why is it that little guys know that their life is on the line if they step out of bounds, but still insist on doing it anyway? I guess the spirit of man is irrepressible, even when the body is very much repressible.

    He needs to choose his friends more carefully though. They sound like a bunch of flakes. Surely if he procured permission from his Giantess to attend this game – which surely any kind woman would – he could get a lift there and back from her.

    I look forward to the next episode of Enchanted 2: The Stompening.

    Liked by 2 people

    • C’mon, pedro. Just think about it:

      -Man asks his giantess for permission to go play with his little friends.
      -Giantess says yes.
      -Giantess drops off tiny man at tree where friends are gathering.
      -Giantess waits for tiny man to say ‘goodbye’ after she gives him a big, sloppy, humiliating kiss, and demands he add a heartfelt ‘I love you my giantess, you’re the only one for me; during this time spent with my friends, my soul will rot in misery and despair’.
      -Giantess picks up little guy an hour early, when he’s in the middle of an intense game, drunk as hell, about to win EVERYTHING… when she plucks him by the scruff of his neck, and informs him (in front of everyone), that it’s time for him to leave, as she needs him ‘more than those little toy-sized friends of his could possibly understand, and he’s been away from her far too long’.

      So embarrassing.

      Liked by 2 people

      • It sounds like it’s not so much his behaviour that’s the problem here, as hers. Whatever happened to “I’m off out tonight, honey. Not sure when I’ll be back. Don’t wait up!”?

        Liked by 1 person

        • That kind of thinking evaporated together with the rest of his body mass when he was reduced in size to a mere two inches. All the better for him. Every once in a while he might say something really stupid, but it’s OK. It’s OK. He learns.

          Liked by 2 people

  4. Don’t drink and fly! I hope this bird doesn’t get him in trouble! Why is he being so difficult? And what is this mysterious webcam episode? What happened there? This little vignette brings up so many questions! Amazing writing as always my giantess.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, my little h. The bird isn’t really that drunk. He just wants something for nothing, and is not above extorting a good friend to get it. The bird is not going to get him in trouble. The tiny man does that on his own. Sound familiar? 🙂

      Why is the bird being difficult? Why are friends difficult? We all have friends that aren’t perfect. That bird might be a bit of an asshole, but he will drop off that tiny man back home, safe and sound. Deep inside, he’s a loyal friend.

      The webcam episode is something that happened when… oh, it really is just embarrassing, so silly, in fact. It was just one of those times when… oh, I can’t possibly say it. I’m blushing. It’s just too much. No, I couldn’t. I better not.

      Liked by 2 people

        • The tiny man may not want to get in trouble, but he does anyway. It’s inevitable. He trips, he stumbles, he stutters, he says the wrong words. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries. Fortunately, he’s under the protection of a very patient giantess.

          The Webcam Connection is a story for another day, only revealed to deserving little men that listen to their giantesses.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. This was fun. I wonder how this guy got this bird-brained idea in the first place; it suggest desperation. Things must be pretty bad in giantess land. I agree with the guys above, that webcam thing leaves a lot to the imagination. Details! Oh, by the way, I did a search for a cool little guy riding a bird image, maybe you did too. They were all too Photoshop-y or Mother Goose-esque. in my mind’s eye I can see it, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, my friend. Nah, not desperation. It’s just how things are in my world sometimes. The same way we pick up and drop off our friends in our cars, tiny men and their bitty friends get together in similar ways, using their own modes of transportation as available to them through nature, or biology.

      Oh, yes. That webcam incident. He’s been trying to forget it ever since, but his giantess still likes to remind him of what happened, and the consequences, every once in a while.

      I didn’t really want a little guy riding the bird, as what I saw was the conversation above, and for that, both little critters had to be on a tree branch, where they could berate each other with ease.

      Like

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