Craigslist: Have you hurt him?


Because it does happen. It might have happened to me, if I’d awakened to life in a world where shrunken men existed, and the one I kept angered me one day. Maybe I’d shake him once too hard, or kick him in the gut with my big toe, and off he’d go, flying across the room, and landing in a frightening heap. In such a situation, am I the type of person that wants to lose him in the system to the type of foster care that will be more likely to kill him that his own careless owner?

What if I promise I’ll never ever do it again? It’s just that… he made me so angry….

Original post, until it gets deleted, or I, blacklisted:

6 thoughts on “Craigslist: Have you hurt him?

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  1. This is a very nice response I got via email, from Jean D’eau:

    “I am tiny and live with my owner in Hermosa Beach.
    Last night, she went to a bar on Pier Avenue near The Strand and came home very drunk and loving.
    Unfortunately, she was playing with me and walking holding me when she tripped.
    She tossed me high into the air and I landed on the floor near her phone from which I am emailing you.
    I am very sore, and don’t believe anything is broken, but I think my owner is dead now. She is very bloody on her head so I think she hurt her head, but she’s cold now and not breathing.

    I desperately need help and a new owner!
    I am so hungry and scared.
    Will you please come and rescue me?
    I will be eternally grateful and yours till death do us part.
    My owner’s address is 1172 9th Street, Hermosa Beach not far from the Redondo Beach line.
    Thank you so much!

    Aww! Poor little guy. His owner a corpse on the floor, and all the recourse he has is to throw himself into the power of a stranger that might rush into the house looking for booze, rather than the little fellow. A stranger that has lost her medical license (probably because of a drinking problem, rather than any “ground-breaking experiment”), and is now reduced to practicing for meals she has to kill and cook herself, and booze! Squiggles can do much better than that. But the “doctor” is not heartless. Surely. I’m sure she’ll find a very special home for the little one. In exchange for booze.


  2. A chicken for a bone-setting! I laughed so hard. And I very much look forward to the day some breathless wag on Reddit or Buzzfeed discovers and collects these, stumbling through their own dull backstory to “enhance” the mystery of these ads.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I’m able to amuse anyone. :D

      There are a few doctors in my family, so I wonder if I’d ever need their help when faced with accidental injuries that might look like they were inflicted on purpose. I’m glad I wouldn’t have to make connections in the healing underbelly. Then I don’t have to keep chickens. Which I can do in this neighborhood, as it turns out.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m very much attracted to a barter system for medical services. That seems to suggest this is a doctor working outside conventional practice, able to provide attention that most clinics either look down upon or aren’t capable of, but she’s still gotta pay the rent. Or is she living and residing under a Tiny landlord who lets her stay rent-free as long as she plies her trade to his brethren? With you, the possibilities are endless.


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