Valerian and the scene of a thousand triggers

“Okay, let’s have a look at you.”

[Shrieks]

“Not at me, tiger. Come on.”

[Whimpers]

“Don’t be scared. I’ll look after you.”

[Chirps]

“Come on. [Gasps] Hello.”

[Squeaks]

“Wow. You have the most incredible eyes.”

[Chirps]

[Giggles] “Okay, you’re a little scabby, so why don’t we get you a nice treatment so you can get your mojo back?”

[Purrs]

“Sound good?”

[Chirps]

“Come on. Some high-grade uranium, and you’ll be good as new. Hang on, tiger.”

I dare anyone (mostly myself) to watch the above scene in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, and not imagine a shrunken little individual inside that cage. I know I did. I did to the degree I had to stop watching the movie so I could talk about my feelings. Many feelings. I have a thing about cages and writing stories about the kind of living trinkets kept in such cages and what happens to those trinkets once those cages are transported to the home of their new owner. Typically, the owner looks a lot like me, and she says (the same way Laureline said to Valerian) to whatever boyfriend/husband/nearest giant around, “He’s very cute, you know? And a real charmer. You may have some competition.”

I’d say no giant can compare to the idea of a shrunken man, but I can’t say that since I perceive all giants as smaller than me.

Other great lines from the movie:

“There. That one is a male.”
“How can you tell?”
“Oh, they are much smaller than the females.”

“I thought you said they weren’t aggressive.”
“Except when you take their little buddy.”