My cat

If you’ve ever been sad, heartbroken because you lost a pet, a part of your family, a part of you, and when you manifested that sadness someone despicable around you said, “It was just an animal,” know that I understand your anger is justified. Such a lack of empathy is unforgivable. This morning I sat up after having slept exactly zero minutes, grabbed my bottle of vodka, and downed four shots in quick succession. When I felt my heartbeat slow down a tad, I grabbed my shovel, my heavy gloves, and my pick, and I dug a deep hole in my yard. Once that was done, I fetched my beautiful, beloved, wonderful cat’s lifeless body, and placed it in that hole, only a few feet away from the grave of the first cat I ever lost.

She was also wonderful, beloved, beautiful, and when I still cried about her loss, someone without a heart told me impatiently that she was “just an animal”. Wrong, fucker. She was a grumpy cat with a funny face that was loyal and bossy, and extremely vocal about it. Her meows were operatic, and she made an art out of catching a bird midleap. She was not “just an animal”. And the cat I buried this morning was not “just an animal” either. She was afraid of everyone but me, her meows were the squeakiest I’d ever heard in my life, and she thought my boy cat was her mom. She liked to eat moths, she gifted me half a bird or half a snake on several occasions (apparently it was clear to her I had no idea how to hunt and she was afraid I’d starve), and she was family.

I’m sad. So sad.

16 thoughts on “My cat

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    1. Thank you. What can we do but love them and grieve for them when they are gone? And endure the guilt when we start imagining we should have known something, or done something, or prevented something.


  1. Tercious, Tommy, Amanda, Cyn Cyn…all family, all beloved cats that brought so much fun, comfort, humor and joy to my life. And I brought happiness and a good life shared to theirs. She’ll always be with you and every moment you’ve shared celebrates the bond and love you have for each other. Always family, forever in your heart. :)

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  2. It’s the price of sharing one’s heart, the good and the sad. I have a place under a comforting canopy of trees where all my departed furry friends reside. I remember them fondly, and thank them for the smiles. When the sadness eases, I hope you have fond smiles too.

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    1. Thank you. It’s a damned steep price, but we pay it. And the place you picked for your kitties’ final rest sounds wonderful. I’m always for keeping them close forever.


  3. My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your loss. People who refer to cats as just animals can’t be more wrong. They have thoughts, feelings, and express love better than half the people I know. I can only imagine the pain you feel now and I’m sorry that happened. I’ll be here if you need me owner.

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  4. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve only ever had dogs but they have always given me all their love and that’s all I’ve ever given back. They are my family members that I’ve cried hardest for when they’ve passed. Words can’t really take away the pain but I’m sending positive thoughts your way. We owe them our sorrow when they go as far as I’m concerned. Hope you don’t mind my message.

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  5. You have all my sympathy. There is something dear and quiet and vulnerable about the space “an animal” occupies in one’s life, because of the helplessness of two species struggling to communicate clearly with each other, and because of the deep connection and expression they nonetheless share. The pet is a diminutive name for a family member. This is a sweet little person in another form who manifests a personality, someone we can tell stories about, recalling clearer and fonder than people we work with. I lost one already and it haunted me for years, terrible dreams of guilt and wondering what I should have done differently, when my cat was abundantly loved and lived longer than expected. I look at my current cats and think we’re only halfway through, dreading that moment in the distance I’m walking toward. And it will happen again and again, because I couldn’t live without a cat companion.

    All my best to you. Smile at some photos. Enjoy telling a little story about your cat. You gave her a great life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my friend. You understand exactly how I feel. Love, guilt, sorrow, loss. She was a nervous bundle of energy, and could communicate with me more effectively than plenty of human beings. I’ll always miss her.


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