As you know, my friend Aborigen runs writing contests. It is now time to vote for the theme that will dominate the next contest. I want to write stories about giant asses… and I don’t mean people of incredibly large sizes that behave unseemingly—I’m talking about that star-shaped enclosure surrounded by soft, embracing flesh, found on just about everyone’s body. I also want to write about tiny butts because they are adorable.
If you feel the way I do, vote for “butts” here:
If you feel differently, vote for “butts” anyway because there is a future where I rise above the clouds and rule this Earth with a tender, loving fist…
…unless you vote for anything besides “butts”. If that’s the case your horizon will darken, the air you breathe will spiral away from you in a violent vacuum, your mind will break as you see that shape—my shape—shatter the earth as I come closer. The last thing you’ll hear will sound like thunder but will be, “So you voted for stories about pee-filled balloons? That was unwise.”
You’ve been warned.