Happy Independence Day!

Imagine for a moment that on a day like today, you are very small. You love your country. No matter who you are, no matter who you voted for, no matter what your crazy ideology is, you truly believe you know what’s best.

But it doesn’t matter what you think because you are very small compared to the person  that holds you in their possession. He or she decides your rights. He or she nudges your day–this day–in the right direction.

If she or he or they or whatever, is anything like me, they’ll start your Fourth of July with massive amounts of sex, voluntary or not, because… darling little person, the only independence you have is of thought.

I did tell your that you were very small.

Right now, where I am, how I am, that’s how I would start my day. I would poke that small shape hidden in fabric or skin folds, and say… “Again…” by way of “good morning”. And then, after a few agains I’d have other things to do.

That little shape, very male and very adorable, would get some sleep while I do my 4th-of-July things… but not for long. Before or after or during lunch time I would poke poke poke him again for some more fun. And he needs to eat to keep up his strength.

Then there’s dinner and more fun to plan. Where are we going to go see the fireworks? That’s for me to decide and execute, and while I make those preparations he’d be right there with me, doing as he’s told so I can focus and get the job done.

Because there’s no real independence, you see? Oh, since the beginning of time and for whatever reason you tiny people think you need to make your own decisions. It’s a very human instinct, wanting to be free and live your life on your own terms.

But on a day like today I dream there’s a version of me in a world like this one, and I’m spending the entire day with the tiny man I shrank, and he’s utterly dependent on me for everything, because he’s so very small.

The same way you have no choice but to breathe, and your heart has no choice but to beat, and your brain has no choice but to connect lines of thought, that tiny man has no choice but to be small for me.

Yet we celebrate today with all the energy it deserves. We live in a country to which I could immigrate freely, where I can come and go as I please, read and say what I want, blog what I want, and nothing can stop me. So far.

In that universe I have the freedom to shrink who I want, and on a day like today I would want that chosen man to feel that freedom. I wouldn’t stomp him, eat him, crush him, torture him, blast him with my farts nor make him smell my socks.

I might assault him a little bit, but believe the hell out of me when I tell you he’d have as much fun as I have. Maybe a few more times. And he’d celebrate every damned second I have the freedom to use his little body and love it as I do.

But back to the real world: I wish you a very happy Independence Day, whatever you’re doing today. You’ll probably spend it with your girlfriend or wife or children or yourself, but whatever you do, you’ll probably hear some fireworks if you’re in the States, or watch it on the YT.

When you do, think that those booms are my footsteps. Tiny or normal sized, let your mind transform those explosions into footsteps. Alright, not mine, but the giant feet of someone you like or love. And imagine they are coming for you, and only you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

And pretend there is nothing you can do about that desperate, innate desire for independence. That’s my wish for you today. You are free in real life, but maybe today you’ll imagine how much better your life would be if only you were someone’s tiny property.

I know I do.

P.S. Baseball is the boringest ball sport ever.