Something good happened. Story of my life. Kinda like the image above. Terrible in every way, but the beginning of a beautiful friendship between my pen and me, between a new creative medium and this giant S. My first name begins with “S”. Is that not fabulously fitting? Giant S. Yes, let your mind tongue roll that around. It fits me to perfection.
Bonus level: If you guess my first name, you get ONE HUNDRED POINTS. The people that already know my perfect name may not participate in this fake contest, thank you very much. Back to the topic at hand. Something I first thought really shitty happened last night, and it was of my own doing. In the end it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but the threat of it looms on my mind like Alzheimer’s disease. Why did it happen? It didn’t have to happen. I was distracted. What if I was distracted because there is something wrong with me?
You know that song and dance. There’s nothing wrong with me. The wrong thing that happened is part of the growing pains felt when learning something new. What bothers me about it is the potential price tag that I’m glad I didn’t have to pay. Bottom line? I’m angry and frustrated that mistakes like the one I made last night are not a thing I left behind when I became an adult. I’m angry that I still make obvious, common, human mistakes even though I have a giant brain. Cue in canned laughter.
Anyway, the bad thing happened, then something good happened. Something fitting, something I deserve. Something unlike the fledgling drawing I’ve included in this post. I stopped drawing when I was very young. When I resumed drawing a few months ago, the above was the first thing I produced, and it’s unlike what I can obtain now… but it’s still me. There is good trapped in everything bad.
And I’m bad. Very bad. Because of my genetic makeup, I’m unable to tell right from wrong when it comes down to size issues. I know what you’re thinking, dear reader. You’re thinking to yourself, Undersquid, you nutcase, you have no way of knowing what you’ll really do when you come into possession of a size ray. You’ll squirm and cower like the rest of us and turn it in to the proper authorities.
How wrong you are. How right you are. As wrong and right as the drawing I posted in this entry. I’d do many things to correct it, but it exists as it is, and I’ll never edit it. I’m letting you see it, unabashedly, without shame, because I’m much better than that now. I’m letting you know now, unabashedly, without shame, that in the possession of a size ray or formula or powers, I will upturn everyone’s life and claim what’s mine.
“What is yours, Undersquid?”
I’m the noisiest psychopath.
And you don’t even know it.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
When size powers come into play, I will do exactly as I’ve always claimed I would. I’ll grow [myself] and shrink [him] indiscriminately, and I won’t have any qualms about it.
Check everything on your survivalist list. You’re going to need to learn to hunt and skin squirrels. You need to know how. Look up how to produce drinkable water. Valuable knowledge. Learn how to make it in my world, because when I figure out how to be hundreds and thousands feet tall, I’m going after what I want, and all you will do then is watch and despair and eat what you catch until the sound of my laughter deafens you.
Do not say I didn’t warn you.
I’m coming for him, and you’re in my way. Just like my drawing, I’ll get it wrong so many times before I get it right.