I was having some ice cream earlier, and thinking how astoundingly lovely it would be to share it with someone that doesn’t exist. I’d fish out some of the crunchy bits and give him something small enough for him to hold by himself, and I’d let him lick my fingertip after dipping it into the creamy parts. That’d be the life, I thought. And then I thought the perfect follow-up entry to my latest blog post would be the opposite of my opposite, so let me fire up my Sexy Music playlist (ooh, Pixies), and here I go…
* * *
Once upon a time, there was a man very much in love with his girlfriend. One night he returned home from work very late because he had driven a long way to pick up a very special gift for her. As he entered the house he was carrying the gift in his jacket pocket. He quietly went upstairs, made his way to their bedroom, and stood in the doorway looking at the moonlit shape of her body in bed, under the blanket. It only took him a moment to realize she was still awake.
She stirred and pronounced groggily, “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry I’m so late. I have something for you. I should’ve waited til tomorrow morning to give it to you, but I can’t wait! I’m kind of nervous about it; we’ve never discussed this before and I don’t… can you please turn on the lamp and look at me?
She acquiesced as she lifted her head away from the pillow and extended one graceful arm toward her bedside lamp. She flicked it on and looked at him as she blinked away the pain of that sudden light.
“What is it?”
He smiled salaciously at her at her and his voice descended into vocal fry. “You know those new toys for sale now… those little sexual aids for couples that- God, I’m listening to myself now, and I can’t believe I got one. I can… return it tomorrow if you want, but I thought you might like to try and see…”
“What are you talking about? Sexual aid? We don’t need that. We’re doing OK… aren’t we?”
He turned red, his eyes unblinking as he looked at her. It was obvious he was extremely aroused. She didn’t know this, but to him it felt strange to feel aroused and simply stand there, because she was the woman he loved, the woman he was going to share the rest of his life with, and he could always go to her. Why was he not running to her side?
She was now fully awake as she sat up. “Are you talking about a dildo? I will tear you a new ass if that’s what you want. In fact, I just got a-”
“No! No, no, no, no. No!” He laughed nervously and found himself taking one step away from her. “It’s nothing like that.”
“So you want me to wear something? I’m fine with that. What is it? A robot costume? I’d love that! So hot. Give it to me, I’m gonna go change.”
And he said, so quietly she almost didn’t hear him, “It’s not that, but let’s have a conversation about that later. I’ll just show you.” He reached into his pocket, pulled out the box, and brought it to her.
“That’s a very small box. What sort of sexual aid can possibly fit in there?”
“Just open it.”
She held out her hand and he set the box gently in her palm. She examined the exterior as it looked like it might’ve contained a bracelet. She opened it, hoping he wasn’t connecting jewelry with sex. That would certainly turn me off, she thought as she realized there was no bracelet, but a small man, very tiny, only 2 inches in height. He seemed terrified out of his mind, his eyes shut tightly as he trembled helplessly. She shot a look at her boyfriend, her fingers tensing around the box, her hand shaking slightly. The tiny man in it felt the box that contained him rocked to and fro, and he squeaked and grasped at the trademark blue velvet around him, trying to grip it.
“What is this? It’s one of those little guys in the news, isn’t it. Those toys, those sex toys everyone’s talking about! Why? Why did you-? Why is there one in our home? Oh, my God! I can’t even- he- he’s beautiful.”
“It’s for you. I got it for you. I got it so we can try it out. There was this interview with the inventor…”
“I know. We watched it together two months ago. What did I tell you then?”
He looked at her, clueless, fishing for the memory, knowing his brain would fail him.
“You don’t remember, do you? You weren’t paying attention to me, as usual! What I said was that little men as sex toys were the most appealing idea ever. What I said was that men are supposed to be tiny! They’re supposed to be small, weak, powerless. Protected in the realm. Look at this fabulous little thing. Fuck yes, this will be helpful in bed. I watched the interview. I know what they do to these little things, and… fuck! Just take it, take it away from me. I’m having a hard time…”
“What? You don’t want it? I’m confused.” He extended his arm in a perfect rewind of the moment before, so as to take the box from her. He stood in place, holding his hand in the air, watching his girlfriend stare at the tiny man in the box. “Are you going to give it back to me?”
She gave him a distracted glance.”No, never mind. I’m just… feeling. Setting my mind to using this tiny body for sex. So much sex. Sex all night and all day.”
“What? Uh, honey, what are you talking about? These things don’t last very long, you know? It’s good for a couple of times, but then-”
“Get the fuck out of here.”
“You told me to get ‘the fuck out of here’!”
“Oh, I meant figuratively. Just… surely this little man can go longer than a couple of times…” Her voice changed aim from him to the man in the box, her tone overwhelmingly sweet. “Yes, you can, can you? I bet you can go hundreds and hundreds of times, isn’t that right? You just need the right touch, the right hand, the right words.”
“What are you doing? You’re talking to it!”
“You know what, honey? I think you’re scaring him with your voice. He keeps trembling and I think he’s even crying. Every time you say something, he shivers. Maybe we should give him time to adjust, don’t you think?”
“Adjust? It’s a sex toy! It adapts, or it doesn’t. You’re acting weird.”
“Just give us some space, alright? Maybe sleep downstairs tonight.”
“I mean… give me some space with the little man. I’ll explain what’s what, and get him settled. This is your gift to me, right? Just let me enjoy him the way I want to enjoy him.”
“It was supposed to be a toy for the both of us.”
“You said it was for me. You said you got it for me.”
He opened his mouth to say something in response, but she was looking down at the contents of the box, and the heat in her gaze made him feel invisible. He felt flames of anger in his head, and a mad wish to grab the box and smash it against the wall. He took one step towards her, his hand shooting out from his side, when she looked up at him, at the expression on his face, and pulled the box to her chest. She held it there and rose to her feet, keeping perfect balance even in bed, on the unsteady mattress.
“Touch him and I’ll kill you.”
Her hostile words knocked speech out of him entirely. His jaw dropped, his eyes bulged out of their sockets, and he shook his head in disbelief. Then he spoke, his words branded with hurt.
“I’m going to go downstairs. I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready to apologize to me.” He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him and opening it instantly after, before he disappeared in the dim light of the hallway. She moved the box away from the protection of her chest, and looked at the little guy. Her face broke into a smile wider than the whole world. Her heart was pounding hard, and she wondered if he could hear it.
He winced at that single word. She lowered herself back into a sitting position, always managing to hold the box level in front of her.
“Shh, don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. Look at me. Stop shutting your eyes, and look at me. Look at your owner.”
He trembled harder, but opened his tiny eyes, and lifted his gaze up, as high as it would go, and fixed it into her eyes. She swallowed hard and made herself breathe. The gale of her breath moved his tiny curls back from his face, and she lost her mind a little more.
“Do you know why you are here?”
“I’m going to be used as a sex toy. Your boyfriend and you are going to-”
“No. Wrong. You are my sex toy. Just mine. No one else is ever going to touch you. Not ever. Mine, mine forever. Do you understand?”
“No, no buts. All you have to say is, ‘I understand, owner.’”
“Yes, that’s what I am to you. I own you. Only I own you. No one else exists.”
The tiny man was still trembling, but now he sat up, his tiny bottom barely sinking in the soft velvet that framed his body.
“What are you going to do to me?”
She smiled again, giving him the warmest look he had ever received in his life. She reached for him with one single digit. The soft tip of her finger touched the infinitesimal tuft of his hair, and she watched his head sink between his shoulders with the weight of that small fraction of herself. She felt another notch of self-control break into pieces.
“Anything I want, any time I want.”
“What does that mean?”
“Rephrase that, little toy.”
“T-toy? My name is-”
“Your name is Toy. Fucktoy. Say it.”
“Say, ‘My name is Toy.'”
“My name is Toy.”
“Rephrase your question, Toy.”
“What does that mean, owner?”
Her boyfriend forgotten in more ways she thought possible, she lowered her toy where it was needed. It found itself tumbling from the jewelry box. It found itself trembling. It found itself crying. It found itself screaming. It felt a terror that was new to it, but mingling with all those sensations there was an all-encompassing certainty that it was wanted. It was the most wanted thing on Earth.